Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
