my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
