Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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