My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You ate ashes out of my bong
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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