a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
