honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
