They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
