I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
