its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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