hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
