i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
