you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
