I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Buhtt sex?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
