I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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