my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
