I don't usually arrange sex via text message
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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