Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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