I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
