are you still at the devil's house?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
