HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
