From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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