i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
