i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
