Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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