If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
