I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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