I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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