we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
