I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
