respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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