were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
