if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
