HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
