guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
