i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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