I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
