she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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