I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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