I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
