BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
