The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
