great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are all done wearing pants today
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