Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
