I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
