So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
