All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just googled if crying burns calories
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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