Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
