sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
