this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
