I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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