I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
