i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
