i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
