I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We talked him into tasing himself.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
